Hey there.  I'm back.  I've been gone for a while.  It's taken me a while to collect my thoughts after the last six weeks or so.  In fact, I'm not sure I'm done collecting them.  In the meantime, I'll give a condensed recap of some of the more prominent occurrences of the past few months.

First, for anybody out there not acquainted with the PhD granting process, a brief primer.  After doing a sufficient amount of original research, a grad student is given a "green light" by their committee to start writing their thesis (also known as the dissertation).  The thesis contains a literature review of the field you're working in, chapters of your original data/publications, and future projects building off of your research.  It's a fairly long document when all is said and done; mine ended up at about 190 pages.  When you are done writing, you kill a few trees and distribute it to your thesis committee.  Committees are made up of several faculty members in your field of study, along with your research advisor.  A few weeks after distributing your thesis, you have the thesis defense.  The defense begins with a public research seminar open to the public, followed by a closed door session in which the committee quizzes you on your research and probes the depth of your knowledge of the basic principles underlying your research.  If the thesis, seminar, and closed defense measure up, they grant you your degree. 

About the time of my last post here, I entered the stage of grad school commonly referred to as the "dropping off the face of the earth" phase.  This happens to nearly everyone who is close to graduating.  In fact, it builds in intensity starting about a year out from the actual graduation, and is at its most acute level for a month or so before the thesis defense.  I don't know if I knew exactly what to expect here.  There were ups and downs like crazy---negotiations with my thesis advisor, meetings with thesis committee members, many sleepless nights, incredible pressure.  I felt on the verge of cracking and breaking so many times.  It is an isolating experience to spend a billion hours in front of your computer while you're painstakingly writing, revising, and writing so more.  There was more than the normal share of drama involved in getting my thesis put together and sent out to my committee, which I will not go into detail about here, but suffice it to say it involved many many tear-filled phone calls to my dear husband.  In fact, I went over on my daytime cell phone minutes in the numerous calls I placed to him...enough that I incurred a $75 extra bill for the month.  I consider it all worth it in the end; he was giving me free therapy to get through the muddy mess that I found myself in.

In the end, the actual thesis defense was a whirlwind experience.  I was blessed to have my family and in-laws come out along with a number of good friends here in Madison.  The room was full, and I felt their support as I nervously gave my seminar.  The closed-door part of the defense wasn't exactly what I'd expected.  Everyone who had walked this path before me seemed to think it was mostly questions about the thesis itself that constituted the bulk of the pressing.  However, mine was like a journey back to my classes.  I guess they were all good teachers back in 2003-2005, because most of the information they were probing for surfaced eventually.  I never felt like I was absolutely stumped, though there were a few questions I had to start over midway through.  All in all, that part lasted about an hour.  I knew it would be all fine when I caught one of my committee members sleeping...he was the one I was afraid of, so I figured if he wasn't on the offensive, then everything would work out ok.  At the end of the quizzing they had me leave the room, and they talked about my performance.  10 minutes later, the verdict was announced that I was the newest Physiology Ph.D.   To that, I got hugs from 3 of the committee members.  Warm fuzzies commenced :)

I spent much of the next week, including the 4th of July working on the suggested revisions to my thesis document.  It was hard work, but soon that was off my plate.  The last thing you do as a graduate student is take your thesis to the grad school office to have them check the formatting.  At least the person I talked to was asking me a little bit about my work.  Then it was over to the bursar's office, where I paid the $80 thesis depositing fee, and it was official. 

I didn't have much time to relax after that--I was flying out to Berkeley for another job interview the following Tuesday.  That went quite well.  The position is a postdoctoral research job at the University of California-Berkeley.  I really liked everyone in the lab, the research going on (they study anthrax, how cool!), and the professor in charge.  The best part, compared to the last interview I had, was that it was a mutual feeling.  By the end of the day, I had a job offer, which I promptly accepted.  The best part about it is that I'm in the same building as my hubby...directly one floor beneath him in fact!  I'm very excited to go on to do something completely new and different, though the move across the country is quite intimidating and daunting. 

What am I up to now?  Well, trying (so far, frustratingly unsuccessfully) to tie up some loose ends on the projects I have going on in the lab.  As a result, I can't say that my anxiety level has completely subsided.  It's definitely down from the hopefully all-time peak during thesis writing, but I wouldn't say it's any less than it was during grad school.  I think once I move on from here that will change, but for now I guess I have to deal with it. 

We're also trying to slowly start saying goodbye to Madison and the people here who we love so dearly.  Fortunately I'm not spending 24/7 in front of my computer, so there's more time for that kind of thing.  However, it's sad thinking that some of these fun times are maybe our last with a given group of people.  I guess that's life in a university town, though...change is the biggest constant.

Pick your favorite 4 letter word to describe the exclamation I had tonight when I picked up an email from the advisor of the lab I was applying to.  "I feel that it wouldn't be the best fit, as your background and research experience is very different from my lab."  Rejected.

I'm sort of surprised, since I thought the interview went very, very well.  I'm surprised because the PI was talking about a lot of things as if I was already planning on joining the lab.  I'm saddened because I thought it would have been a very healthy, enriching, and fun environment in which to do science.  And I'm scared because I don't have very much time to focus on trying to find myself a job anytime soon.

In less than 2 weeks, I need to have a fairly polished draft of my thesis for my advisor to read.  In a little under a month, I need to send a final version out to the committee.  And in 6 weeks, I have to defend that thesis.  Not to mention the fact that we're trying to sell our house and I still have some lab experiments to do and I have to fit saying goodbye to all of my friends in and we have a cross-country move ahead of us and so it goes.  My life is crazy enough; when do I have time to search for, apply for, and interview for jobs?!  If I wasn't already incredibly stressed out, I certainly am now.

And yet, I feel God putting his hand on my shoulder and reminding me not to worry.  Back when I was a freshman in college, there was this campus ministry of encouragement...I know that they just randomly wrote encouraging things and sent them to random people, but I still have not thrown away one note I got from them.  It was from the "Do not worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for his answers."  That's from Phillippians Chapter 4--one of my favorite books of the Bible.  I always come back to that verse, and God has always made my path straight, regardless of how much I worry. 

So maybe a postdoctoral position is not for me.  I still have one potential advisor out there---he didn't know if his grant would be funded until June, so I'll have to wait until then.  In the meantime, I'll be seeing if any small colleges or biotech companies or just about anything have openings.

Today, after a brief time at the lab, I have been home due to feeling sickly.  I've more or less felt this coming on for a day or so, just in terms of feeling really run down.  Today I am achy, a little congested, along with a few other symptoms.  If things were as normal in the world, I'd just chalk it up to the nasty "summer colds" that I seemingly catch every year.  I haven't been sick since last July, when I had another doozy of a cold.  A few days of miserability on the couch, and it's over and done with.  Of course, when one stays home, one tends to watch hours upon hours of mindless TV and/or surf the internet on the ol' laptop.  Because I've been doing that, the media circus has me half-believing that I have this H1N1 virus, aka swine flu.  Hopefully that business doesn't turn out to be the insanity that they're predicting, but there must be at least something to it, considering the World Health Org. and the Centers for Disease Control are now involved.

In my case, I'll at least stay home until I feel better.  That's something I probably should have done in the past, in the interest of recovering early.  I have a feeling that "pushing through it" and going to the lab every day didn't really help me in the past.  Not to mention that my coworkers will probably be happy that they have a reduced chance of catching the bug.  I do need to be back in action by Sunday, though, because I'm flying out to California for a job interview with a lab out there.  Let's pray healing comes my way by then.

This morning I went to the dentist, and was making some pleasant conversation with the doc and the hygienist about April Fool's pranks.  I mentioned that last year I had changed my Facebook status to "Sarah is pregnant."  I got at least 30 responses to that.  I guess it was sort of realistic, being as though I'd recently gotten married.  However, I want to wait until school is a part of my past before going down that road.  Anyway, the dentist and hygienist found it amusing, and the hygienist's memory was jogged regarding a much meaner version of this that one of her friends was doing this year.  This friend of hers, let's call her Kathy, has a husband whose mission in life it is to play practical jokes.  Kathy decided to have a pregnant friend of hers produce a positive pregnancy test...and you know where this goes.  I only wish that I'd had my dentist's visit later in the day so that I could have heard how the joke turned out rather than just the planning of it.

I was trying to come up with something fun I could do this year, but nothing came to me...I did toy with telling my advisor I was quitting grad school, but I think she'd just get mad :). 

In case you're wondering about other aspects of the dentist trip, I have no cavities, got a compliment on how nice one of my crowns looked, and made out with a new toothbrush, toothpaste, and floss.  Score!

I'm downtown in Boston right now, at a research conference.  I have a few minutes off between sessions of science, so I thought I'd share a few of the interesting sights.

1.  I swear I just saw a dude that is a dead ringer for Dwight Schrute. 

2.  Every year, this meeting has a dessert/drinks reception which includes a dance.  That was last night.  There is honestly nothing funnier than watching professors still dressed in their geek clothes on a dance floor completely cutting a rug.  This year they hired a live band rather than a DJ.  The band's name was some pun on the word "Boston", and my friend leaned over and made some comment about how they were the next Scrantonicity.  Despite not having Kevin Malone on drums, this band managed to rouse an originally dance floor shy crowd.

3.  At one of the sessions, a presenter needed some kind of adaptor, but when asking the audience to borrow one, he asked for a "dongle." 

4.  As long as we're on funny words...  I went to a seafood place last night where something called "scrod" was on the menu. 

5.  Got to see one of my cousins and her new baby before the conference started...the baby is such a snuggly little thing!

6.  I presented my research on Monday at a poster session (think: gigantic science fair).  I know I must be a senior grad student because I was less nervous to present at this national meeting than I was to fly on the plane to get here!

7.  There was a blizzard yesterday.  Just like I never left home!